"Good Intentions" (Hour 1)

They say the road to Hell
Is paved with “good intentions”
I always thought it to mean
My own intentions could
Lead to an eternal downfall
But sometimes it’s not to Hell
That “good intentions” lead

There is a difference you see
Between Hell and hell
One is a place
You learn about in Sunday School
The other a state of existence
Personal, individual
As diverse as the human race

Sometimes hell is of our own making
From choices we have 
Or have not made
Our own minds trapping us
In a seemingly never-ending maze

Sometimes hell is created
By the choices of others
Trapped, consumed
By their own hell that they are living
Unaware or perhaps uncaring
How it affects those around them

I trusted your intentions
As my self confidence had
Been waxing and waning
I trusted that you truly wanted
What was best
Wanted me to succeed

I do not know
The full extent of your story
So I give the benefit of doubt
Hope that your “good intentions”
Were in fact good

But I’ve learned in recent years
That my perception can be skewed
A mirage of what I wish to be true

Even now I cannot bring myself
To believe it was of
A malicious design
That you deliberately tried
To sabotage the situation
For reasons I know nothing of

But the road to Hell
Is paved with “good intentions”
And sometimes “good intentions”
Are what weld the chains
Of our own hell

His Shoulders

Sometimes He carries me like a child

Laughing from atop His shoulders

Filled with joy

Sometimes He carries me like a lamb

Once lost now found 

Emanating love

Sometimes He carries me like a soldier 

Unable to move forward myself

He carries me through the battlefield

Sometimes He carries me like a cross

The weight of my world on His back

Each step painful, tiring

And filled with every ounce

Of His love for me

When all I can do 

Is hold tightly to the shattered pieces

He takes each piece

No matter how big or small

And puts me back together

Creating something more beautiful

It’s not easy or quick

Sometimes it’s painful beyond words

But He never stops

He never gives up on my healing

He never gives up on me

His mercy is constant, unchanging, immovable

His forgiveness provides safety

He is my place of peace

He is my place of rest

He is my surety

He gives me courage

He will never leave me

Even if I turn away from Him

He is steadfast by my side

Even when I try to do it all myself

He waits patiently

His love never ending and unconditional

The Lie I Keep Telling Myself

A little smile and I start to fall

Try to catch myself

Because I've been here before

You tell me how beautiful I am

So I start to make 

More of an effort

One date, that's all

Where's the danger to my heart in that?

I notice little differences

You're standing closer

You're more enthusiastic

Could it be you care more

Than those who came before

Even just a little bit?

Was that disappointment I saw

When you thought I might not ride with you?

Was it really about me going

Or did you just not want to be alone?

Truth is, I thought it was me

And I enjoyed the extra time

To talk, just the two of us

No one else to interject or interrupt

A little flirting over text

I start to wonder what's next

Things are kind of crazy

Both of us getting so busy

Between our jobs, school

Hobbies and passions

But we'll see if we can make

Something happen

Maybe it wasn't a lie

Maybe you only said yes

To be nice

I got what you thought I wanted

Any obligation to me fulfilled

Now I'm left here watching you

Watching her

Talking, laughing, joking

While I barely get

A look, if I'm lucky

I can't help but feel

A little used

A little hurt

A little tired of always

Staring at people's backs

As they walk away

Not knowing if I

Should chase or

Stay where I am

Because to me it's clear

You're not into me the way

I'm into you

You said I was beautiful

Am I just not pretty enough?

Did I not talk about myself enough?

Did I talk to much?

Am I bland, uninteresting?

Am I too weird?

Did I lack confidence?

Was I too forward?

Am I reading to much into this?

Am I giving you too much credit?

Is it worth it to keep trying?

Is it too early to give up?

The ball is in your court

But d you even see it?

Do you even want

To play this "game" with me?

Don't want to push too much

Don't want to give too little efort

But when is it too much?

When is it not enough?

You'd think I'd have a handle on this

Have some kind of answer

But the truth is

I've been Confident before

Only to find

What I had hoped was true

Was just the same lie

I keep telling myself

Of Course

He carries on about chivalry

Of course, she rolls her eyes

She is left vulnerable

Of course, he stands guard

He is surrounded by courtly ladies

Of course, she is jealous

Someone flirts with her unashamedly

Of course, he doesn't notice

Enemies outnumber him

Of course, she intervenes

She is in danger

Of course, he breaks down the door

He leads the charge

Of course, she follows

She is separated from him

Of course, he goes to find her

He declares his lover for her

Of course, she marries him

She clings to life by a thread

Of course, desperation seizes him

In a rage, he goes to avenge their friends

Of course, she tries to stop him

Her heart breaks for his lonely fate

Of course, he can't even look at her

He cannot be near her

Of course, she haunts his dreams

She loves him, fiercely, beyond all things

Of course, he can't help but lover her back

Separated

My heart is aching tonight,

Reaching for your hand

And finding empty space.

You came into my world,

Quiet at first.

Then like a whirlwind

You altered the course

Of my future.

There is no trial

We cannot overcome,

No foe we cannot face,

When we stand together.

So how do I press forward

When the enemy strikes?

When hell on earth erupts

And you are nowhere in sight?

How do I comfort those you left behind

When I cannot find comfort for myself?

Can a soul be saved

When it is rent in two?

Because without you here

I feel like half of a person.

Something stranded between

Human and abomination,

Wandering through a forest,

The sky barred by a canopy of leaves,

The way ahead dark and uncertain.

And still, somewhere

In the depths of this despair,

A spark of flame lingers.

A thread of fate connecting

Two souls separated.

Somehow the strength comes

As I rise each morning, alone.

Somehow the hope of seeing you again

Overpowers weakness and vulnerability.

My heart is aching tonight,

Reaching for your hand,

And in the empty space I find

A love to transcend

The battles ahead,

The challenges we both will surely face.

So I'll cling to the spark,

To the single thread,

Until the day our eyes meet again

And your arms encircle me once more.

In My Head

I wish I could get out of my head

Long enough to be fearless

To not care about what others may

Or may not think

To be content with where I am

I Miss This

I miss this

The feeling of words flowing freely

No restrictions of politeness or structure

Like seeing a long lost friend or coming hoe

Coming back to yourself

I ache to stay this way

Here where y troubles feel so far away

I'm afraid to lose this feeling

To return to that daily grind

The uncertainty of what to do

Or where to go from here

Life fees so simple

Siting at the lake