Thursday, May 8, 2025

The Lie I Keep Telling Myself

A little smile and I start to fall

Try to catch myself

Because I've been here before

You tell me how beautiful I am

So I start to make 

More of an effort


One date, that's all

Where's the danger to my heart in that?

I notice little differences

You're standing closer

You're more enthusiastic

Could it be you care more

Than those who came before

Even just a little bit?


Was that disappointment I saw

When you thought I might not ride with you?

Was it really about me going

Or did you just not want to be alone?

Truth is, I thought it was me

And I enjoyed the extra time

To talk, just the two of us

No one else to interject or interrupt


A little flirting over text

I start to wonder what's next

Things are kind of crazy

Both of us getting so busy

Between our jobs, school

Hobbies and passions

But we'll see if we can make

Something happen


Maybe it wasn't a lie

Maybe you only said yes

To be nice

I got what you thought I wanted

Any obligation to me fulfilled

Now I'm left here watching you

Watching her

Talking, laughing, joking

While I barely get

A look, if I'm lucky


I can't help but feel

A little used

A little hurt

A little tired of always

Staring at people's backs

As they walk away

Not knowing if I

Should chase or

Stay where I am

Because to me it's clear

You're not into me the way

I'm into you


You said I was beautiful

Am I just not pretty enough?

Did I not talk about myself enough?

Did I talk to much?

Am I bland, uninteresting?

Am I too weird?

Did I lack confidence?

Was I too forward?

Am I reading to much into this?

Am I giving you too much credit?

Is it worth it to keep trying?

Is it too early to give up?


The ball is in your court

But d you even see it?

Do you even want

To play this "game" with me?

Don't want to push too much

Don't want to give too little efort

But when is it too much?

When is it not enough?


You'd think I'd have a handle on this

Have some kind of answer

But the truth is

I've been Confident before

Only to find

What I had hoped was true

Was just the same lie

I keep telling myself


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