What's Wrong?

I want to cry

But I couldn’t tell you why

I don’t even know it myself

I feel so overwhelmed

My fight or flight is activated

What’s wrong with me?

Logic knows I am alright

I’ve nothing to fear, I’m safe

Yet something is amiss

Just breathe, I tell myself

Breathe through the feelings

Breathe away the panic

Now the music is too loud?

I can hear everything

Going on around me, all at once

I feel like I’m suffocating

Should I step outside?

There’s too many people out there

What is this weight I feel?

I wish it would go away

I just want to be okay

Petrichor

Droplets falling from the sky

Striking the hot pavement

The smell filling my nose

Bringing a flood of memories

And a feeling of happy contentment

The Crow

It was back

The crow with the single

Pale blue eye

Perched on Mrs. Haversham’s fence

Staring intently

Where it came from

No one really knew

But every day it came

Perching, staring

Immovable

They tried to scare it off

Shoo it away

But nothing they did

Seemed to have any affect

Time passed and soon the crow

Melted into the background

No longer noticed

By the passersby

No longer a mystery

Or point of concern

Just another piece of scenery

To be ignored

The day Mrs. Haversham

Passed from this world to the next

Rumors floated around

About what really happened

Some said it was natural causes

Some said it was suicide

Some blamed her greedy nephew

Some noticed the crow

Never returned

Winter Walk

My boots are thick

But I can still feel

The crunch of frozen water

Snow packing beneath my feet

The cold bites at my nose

Tries to seep into my gloves

My breath a smokey array

Of frozen moisture

White specks begin to fall

Quietly from the sky

Sticking to the ground

Sticking to me

All around me

There is a kind of quiet

One you only find

In the dead of winter

With the silence

Comes a strange kind of peace

Anticipation

For the coming Spring

A Draw

Crossing swords

Matching each other

Blow for blow

“Are you fighting or flirting?”

Physically unable

To fight any more

Comrades intervene on both sides

The tussle ending in a draw

Courtly conversation

Turned into a debate

I am right

No, you are wrong

I am “difficult”?

Well, you’re impossible!

Walking away in a huff

Yet another draw

Fighting side by side

Battling enemies

Forging bonds

Greater than stubbornness

Seeing each other

In a different light

Realizing the truth

Of our feelings

Acknowledging our differences

Recognizing the difficulties

And future clashes to be had

A question asked

A mutual agreement “reluctantly” made

Knowing that when it matters

It will always end

In a draw

Running

Running for my life

Past following close behind

Don’t look, keep running

Oneirataxia

Slipping between

What’s real and what’s a dream

One moment you’re gone from me

The next you’re here

Smiling pleasantly

I know what’s real

Reality is that you’re gone

You’ve been gone so long

I sometimes forget

What you were like when you were here

But then it happens again

I come home and there you are

Making dinner or on the computer

As if nothing has happened

To you at all

I try to tell my friends

Convince my family

I keep slipping so easily

Between the two it’s getting hard

To remember what’s real

It feels to nice

Seeing you again

I just want to hug you

To talk to you

Tell you how I’ve been

But reality sets in once more

You’re not real, I tell you as much

Tell you, “This is just a dream”

To which you reply, “Yes, it is.

“But you can stay if you want.”

I jolt awake

Heart racing

Mind wondering

What could you have meant

When you said I could “stay”?

It’s been years since then

And some days when reality

Hits too heavy, too hard

I think about your offer

And wonder

Should I have taken you up on it?

Zephyr

A warm summer day

Air dancing across my skin

Comforting, peaceful

The Spiral

One mistake

Just one, small mistake,

Inconsequential in the grand scheme

Of life and the universe.

And yet it is enough

To awaken The Spiral.

The Spiral of thoughts

That begin with “You messed up”

And ends with “You’re too flawed

To be truly loved.”

My logical brain knows

It’s the result of faulty wiring,

Not to be trusted,

And not at all true.

But The Spiral persists,

The sound growing louder,

Louder, louder until it’s screaming

And I am paralyzed,

Unable to find the motivation,

To find the purpose of even moving.

In The Spiral every flaw is scrutinized,

Viewed under my mind’s strongest microscope.

Every moment of imperfection is weighed and measured.

Even moments of happiness and joy

Are not safe from The Spiral.

The Spiral tells me that I am not enough,

That I am too broken.

It tells me no one would ever want to carry

The burden of my brokenness.

The Spiral tells me to keep

My deepest hurts, my darkest thoughts to myself.

It tells me that my friends who care

Will change their mind if they knew.

And if they don’t, eventually they will

Realize that the burden of my being

Outweighs any good I bring to their lives

And they’ll see it’s easier

To just walk away.

The Spiral is a demon and a liar.

The Spiral does not have my best interest in mind.

The only interest The Spiral has is my destruction.

It is an enemy I have fought many times

And will likely fight many more times.

Sometimes it lies dormant, quiet in its cage.

But now and then, without warning,

It breaks free and the battle commences once more.

Some days The Spiral is overwhelming

And I wonder if it’s even worth the fight.

But to quit isn’t in my blood

So I rise up, each and every time,

And I face down the enemy of my mind.

Because losing to The Spiral

Is not an option.

The Faerie Child

There once was a faerie child

Of golden hair and small size

With an impish grin

And mischief in her eyes

How she loved to run through forests

And climb the tall, tall trees

And laugh as her hair danced

Amid the summer’s breeze

One day her path was crossed

By a human of kind nature

The faerie child was shy at first

For of the human she was unsure

But the human smiled kindly

At this meeting most fortuitous

She loved the child’s spirit

Even if it was a bit mischievous

The human visited the child each day

And each day at their morning meeting

The child’s face would light up

At her human’s kind greeting

The games of human children

Each day they would play

And now and then the child would

Sneak in some tricks of the fae

At midday the child would sleep

Weary from a morning of fun

The human would sing soft lullabies

Until her dreaming had begun

Days turned to weeks then months

And with each passing playtime

The human and the faerie child’s bond

Became something gained once in a lifetime

But as with all good things

Their time together came to an end

The fae child had to leave behind

Her dear human friend

With their final games and tricks

The human felt an aching

Knowing she must say goodbye

Her heart began breaking

Midday came with its final lullaby

For the dear fae child

A song of rain and sunshine

And a love tender and mild

Then came the time of parting

The human bid the child farewell

A blink of an eye and she was gone

No more than a story to tell

There once was a faerie child

Of golden hair and small size

Who held a place in a human’s heart

And mischief in her eyes

Daylight Comes

Lying on the floor

Too exhausted to move

My tears have all escaped

The carpet just barely dry

The room is getting brighter

As seeping through the blinds

The first rays of morning

Make their way into my world

Stretching forth across the floor

Reminding me how

No matter the darkness of the night

Daylight always comes

An Elemental Love

I wish to find a love like fire

That burns right through my soul

That reaches beyond physical desire

A love with which to grow old

I wish to find a love like air

That caresses my very skin

That runs its fingers through my hair

Causing my lips to grin

I wish to find a love like water

Flowing freely, no holding back

That makes me feel sought after

That doesn’t care what I lack

I wish to find a love like earth

Rich as good soil, cleansing

That helps me see my worth

That fits me, without pretending

I wish to find an elemental love

Beauty in the Weird

There’s beauty in the weird

Beauty in standing out

Beauty in being your own person

Do not fear it

Embrace it

Own it

Fairytales

I have come to learn

Fairytales don’t mean a thing

To a broken heart

Just Right

It’s hard to explain

The way I feel inside when

A song hits just right

I’m really not sure

If it’s the music or words

Something just hits right

And I am obsessed

Unheard

Sitting in the living room

Listening about your day

Giving my best advice

And words of comfort

A lull in conversation

I begin to speak

Sharing about my day

But you don’t seem to hear me

I stop mid sentence

Wondering if you will notice

My silence

You don’t

Card Game Memories

Invitation to play

Teaching the rules

Preparing

The game begins

Card after card is played

Occasional rule reminders

We pick up speed

As my opponent catches on

Flashbacks to high school

Friends gathered around a desk

Waiting in anticipation

New comers “slapping in”

Something inside me stirs

Long dormant in my soul

A kind of sleeping fae awakens

Ready to play once more

The joy of simpler times

Laughter amongst friends

The warmth of fond memories

The freedom from “real life” problems

Oh how I miss those days

Of teenage ignorance and bliss

They weren’t perfect, not at all

But that’s why the memories mean so much.

Always, Never

Always the bridesmaid, never the bride

That’s what they say

But there’s so much more to me

Than my marital or relationship status

How about

Always kind, never cruel

Or maybe even

Always thoughtful, never superficial

Always helpful, never neglectful

Always smiling, never sad

Always enthusiastic, never a drag

Always hopeful, never doubtful

Always sees the best in others

Never belittles or derides

Always wanting to make you smile

Never wanting to hurt you

Never is s strong word

So final and concrete

Life isn’t always so absolute

Maybe “not always” would fit better?

Always supportive, not always supported

Always dreaming, not always achieving

Always here to please, not always satisfied

Always behind the scenes, not always center stage

Always doing more, not always appreciated

Always fighting, not always winning

Always have things to say, not always heard

Always a little sister, not always an equal

I am more than my social standing

More than my failures and shortcomings

I am more than society sees

More than people realize

Nature's Symphony

The thundering sound of wind

As it rushes past me

The “sh, sh, sh” of the trees

As their branches sway

Rays of warmth and light

Dancing across my skin

The chirping and clicking

Of crawling insects

The sweet pitches of birdsongs

High up in the boughs

The chittering of critters

Scurrying about

I close my eyes

Breathing in the smells

My heart beating in time

Allow myself to melt into

The din of life around me

I’m part of the symphony now, too.

All It Takes

All it takes is a picture

A simple social media post

An update of how well he’s doing

And there’s a twinge in my heart

All it takes is a few drops

Of summer rain cascading from the sky

A reminder of things she loved

And the aching begins

All it takes is a story

Of someone’s snide remark

Memories, unpleasant, come rushing in

And my anxiety is triggered

All it takes is an embrace

Enveloping and tight

No words spoken

And I can breathe again

Birthday Party

The sun is shining

The wind is blowing

The sky is clear and blue

The grass and trees mostly green with life

It’s a good day

For a party

Friends and family gathered

Enjoying food and conversation

Children playing in the water

Screams of delight resonating

Sitting amongst these energies of life

It was worth the drive

Here For Your Convenience

“I want you in my life,” you said.

I believed you really meant it.

But for someone who

Wants me in their life

You are remarkably silent

And this relationship feels

Awfully one sided.

Maybe we have different ideas

Of what it means to want someone?

I know you don’t see me as more

Than just a friend.

But even as your friend

I am feeling left behind

And forgotten.

Now, now, there’s no need to worry

I am not trying to call you out.

I mean, not really, I don’t think.

I’m just trying to express how I feel.

It’s absolutely NOT a reflection on you.

I am totally fine being “that friend.”

You know, that friend of convenience,

The one you only have to think about

If they are standing next to you,

Or when they text you “Hello.”

But don’t feel pressured

To respond to my text right away

Or even in the same day.

I am just here for your convenience.

It’s been a couple of months

Since we last talked.

I should probably ask for my comics back.

Not that I don’t trust you’ll give them back eventually,

I wouldn’t have loaned them to you if I didn’t,

But maybe it’s best to cut the ties now

Rather than hold out too long,

Let my hopes get too high.

Best to squash that sooner

Rather than later, don’t you think?

Sorry, I keep making this about you.

It’s actually about me.

Really, it is.

It’s all about me.

It’s about my seeming inability

To mean much to some people.

It’s about how I’m always the one

That has to be “okay”

With being left alone,

The one that has to be “okay”

With being ignored,

The one that has to be “okay”

With being easily forgettable.

Really, it’s okay.

I am just here for your convenience.

Something Wild

Boys and girls of every age

Wouldn’t you rather be something strange?

Something mystical and mythical,

Something wild they cannot tame?

Be wild, child.

Take society by the collar

And say, “No, I will not.

“I will not be your puppet.

I will not sit down and be silent.

I will not be your skyscraper prisoner.

I will not be your cookie cutter child.

“I will forge my own path.

I will be my own self.

I will speak, raise my voice in protest.

I will escape your cities of smoke and mirrors.

I will find the beauty in being wild.”

Boys and girls of every age

Choose to be something strange.

Something more than society dictates.

Something wild they cannot tame.

The Places Where I Fit

On the couch or in the bed

With a little fur baby

Curled up next to me

Sitting around a table with friends

A lady knight in a world of men

Rolling a d20 for “Intrigue” or “Sword”

Annihilating opponents left and right

Cutting wooden boards with dad

Nailing them together

Sanding and staining

Sitting in my living room

Admiring the shelves we built together

At Texas Roadhouse or Olive Garden

Playing trivia games around the table

Eating good food with friends

In a classroom

Surrounded by two year olds

Listening to their babbling stories

Giving hugs and smiles

Softly singing them to sleep

Filling each minute with love

Texting my nieces and nephews

Asking about their days

Getting the “tea” on their lives

Lending a listening ear

Giving advice when needed

In a crowded building

Cosplaying with friends

Taking pictures

And talking “nerd things”

Arms around a friend

Who had a bad day

No words

Just an unspoken show

Of care and love

Game nights with friends and family

Laughing at our shenanigans

In a book of my choosing

Following the lives of characters

I am meeting for the first time

Or revisiting after time away

On stage playing a character

Telling a story

Or behind the scenes

Making sure it all runs smoothly

Under a canopy of trees

Or in an open field of grass and flowers

Standing in the cold winter run off

Water seeping into my shoes

Freezing my toes

Sitting in the quiet of a holy place

Feeling the love of my God and my ancestors

Receiving confirmation and inspiration

On my laptop

Stringing together letters to make words

Words to make stories, poems

My thoughts tumbling forth

Like a rushing river

We're All Human Here

Minds ablaze

With new ideas, exciting dreams

Pains of past hurts and regrets

Confidence, self doubt

Bodies with perfect hair

Or resistant to being tamed

Full of energy, limber, flexible

Aching, aging, limited

Lives filled with joy

Dream jobs, 9 to 5 drudgery

Going through the motions

Making each day worthwhile

Wondering who will miss us

Will we be missed at all?

Grateful for every blessing

Jumping at every opportunity

Commanding the stage, a strong presence

Uncertainty, mind blanking, stage fright

Hitting every mark, every line

Struggling to keep up, forgetting the steps

Support from family and friends

Abandoned by those we give our hearts to

Finding love, securing it

Giving love, no reciprocation

Living in a city high rise

Enjoying the quiet of the countryside

Cold mountain air freezing lungs

Hot desert air sticking to skin

Abuses coming straight at us

Lashing out at others

Lifting up those around us

Tearing them down, intentionally or not

So many varieties of people

Different spectrums and walks of life

But the fact of the matter is

We’re all human here

The Vine

It creeps up the brick

Ever reaching for the sky

Sprouting from

A mere crack in the concrete

It continues to grow

To cling to the red stones

Time passes and its leaves

Now cover the windows

No one has lived there in years

So it doesn’t really matter

It stretches its vines

Swallowing the building slowly

One day you will hardly recognize

The place it once was

Rain

Water droplets fall

The world is being reborn

Its sins washed away

Sleep

I could use a little sleep right now

But I’ve gotta keep pushing on

So close to the finish line

Just a little bit longer

E Town

Many fond memories

Good times with friends

Studying hard

Homework assignments

TV show binges

Four and a half years together

Now, nearly that long apart

Hidden Anxiety

I suspected that

You were inside me, hiding

But didn’t know how much

I’ll try to ignore

Tell myself I’ll be okay

As my tears run down

Depression

Draining of life

Encompassed in an unseen weight

Pretending it’s okay

Regretting

Emotionally exhausted

Sorrow hanging like a cloud

Should I just

Ignore it

Or

Not?

Unexpected Impulse

Late night conversation

Sitting on your couch

Nothing out of the ordinary

Just two friends

Enjoying each other’s company

I looked at you and something

Stirred inside of me

I took in your face

Your smile, your laugh

Your entire being

You turned to me

Your dark eyes staring

Without hesitation

Without reservation

I pressed my lips to yours

You didn’t move

Didn’t push away

Half a second dragged

Into eternity

The world was heaven

As quickly as it happened

I came back to myself

I realized exactly

What I had done

And pulled away

Another eternal second

As I took in your face again

Your smile replaced by confusion

Your laugh now silent

Your whole body frozen

My cheeks flush in embarrassment

I stammer out an apology

As quickly as I’d kissed you

I was on my feet

And running away

It was an impulse

A split second decision

I hadn’t planned it

I didn’t even know

I wanted to do it

A split second

And everything

Has changed

Fox On the Playground

Snow covered wood chips

Chill in the air

Beneath the structure

A gray fox

Children and teachers

Observe from a distance

Filled with awe and caution

Of the gray fox

Musings of a Fangirl

I joined the hunt.

I traversed time and space.

I solved crimes

and I avenged the earth.

I dreamed a dream.

I saw history made on ice.

I searched for lost memories

and joined a wizard’s guild.

I saw citizens fail their city.

I have been in the depths of despair.

I saw a boy who lived

and a world inside of a suitcase.

I wished upon a star.

I saw the fastest man alive.

I traveled between universes

and ventured into the dragon’s keep.

I joined the rebellion.

I gazed upon the final frontier.

I participated in the Games

and stood with the Divergents.

I searched for abnormals.

I vanquished demons.

I saw a world barely touched by human hands.

I mingled with children of the gods

and saw the Once and Future King fall.

I felt the pain of loss.

I felt the joy of reunion.

I felt the relief of truth

and the anger of lies.

I have lived a thousand lives

and not regretted one.

I have seen wonders and possibilities

in a world too often bleak.

The Mechanism

Lightning crashes

Storm rages

Flash

The mechanism

In the garden

Bizarre

Temptation presses

Curiosity wins

Explosion

Poem for My Sunshine

She makes me smile easily

I love the sound of her laugh

She loves unconditionally

She has a tender heart

She is not average

She is a superhero

Saving my life every day

With her kindness and love

She is not like us

She far surpasses our ability

To exist, to love, to see the world

For all the beauty that it holds

My life would be empty without her

A Haiku

I’m dreaming of you

Your smile, laugh, everything

Do you dream of me?

I Used to Be Fine

I really couldn’t say

What happened to me

Where this person I’ve become

Spawned from

But I know something’s not right

Most days I get by

I can smile and laugh

Convince them it’s alright

When deep down inside me

I’m struggling just to breathe

I’m a mess, but I’ll try

To keep my chin up

And hide it all from you

Because I know how much

It hurt you to see me that way

So I’ll put on an act

I’ll keep smiling

So you feel at ease

It wasn’t always this way

The truth is

I used to be fine

I wish I could just be me

Wish I could just scream it all out

Tell you how much it kills me

To see you behaving this way

And yet I’m expected to be okay

It isn’t fair

It’s a mess, but I’ll try

To keep my thoughts to myself

And pretend nothing you say

Really troubles me

It hurts to see you this way

But I’ll put on a brave face

I’ll keep smiling

So you feel at ease

It wasn’t always this way

The truth is

We used to be fine

Summer

Early sunrise and late sunset

Popsicles and iced tea

Camping and barbecues

Road trips and family vacations

School time anticipation

Swimming and hiking

Bike rides and marathons

Staying up late and sleeping in

Sunshine on my face

Sunburns and dehydration

Family reunions and sporting events

Starry night skies

Blazing heat and forest fires

Fireworks and festivities

Mountains

Looming, Calm

Immovable, Quiet

Majestic, Peaceful

Filling me with euphoria

Somewhere

Somewhere

Far away from here

Another place, another time

A place of safety and refuge

A place of quiet

A place of love

Something

In the back of my mind

A house, a home

Windows and doors

To shut out the world

And keep you all to myself

Someone

Stranger, friend, lover

Together to live and grow

Together to conquer it all

Together until the end

End

The end of everything

Everything we worked for

For our happiness

For our ambitions

For our independence

Love

So easily forgotten

Forgotten and tossed aside

It meant nothing

It meant something

It doesn’t matter now

Dear Future Self

Dear Future Self,

How are we doing?

Have we accomplished great things?

Did we reach our dreams?

Did we graduate from the University?

Did we actually go for that double major?

Have we visited Rome?

Have we climbed the steps of Notre Dame?

Did we see the mountains of China?

Did we see the cherry blossoms of Japan?

Are we still friends with Kayla?

Is our family finally getting along?

Are we married now

with a husband and child?

Did we ever publish

that novel we were writing?

So many more questions running through my mind,

but right now I have something to say.

I hope we are happy.

I hope we still love superheroes and anime

and that we are still going to Comic Cons.

I hope we haven’t lost our love of imagination.

I hope we still love working with children and young people.

I hope we still love having fun now and then.

I hope we still go to movies at the drive-in

and go on long drives just because we can.

I hope we still think of epic fanfiction stories.

I hope we are still writing.

I hope we are still smiling each day

or at least as often as we can.

I hope we know that we are loved.

Dear Future Self,

Please know that I am still rooting for us.

I still have hope for us.

I still believe in us.

Until the day our paths finally meet,

Your Past Self

J.L.B.

I wish I could tell you

What’s been on my mind.

Tell you all of the thoughts, the feelings

That have been plaguing me.

I want to tell you how much

Just knowing you means to me.

I want you to know how much I care,

To know that I love you.

I wish you loved me back

But, strangely enough, I am content.

Just having you near

Brings me more joy than I could ever hope.

I want you to stay

Not as a lover, per say,

But at least as a friend.

To think of losing you

Makes my heart hurt.

Someday, you will have to leave.

I get it, I can’t change it,

And I wouldn’t want to keep you

From your happiness.

But please, for now

Just stay,

Don’t leave me just yet.

Let me enjoy your company

A little while longer.

Starlight

They were the mountains

Immovable, looming above

Looking down on us

Telling us we could not

Telling us we weren’t enough

But we traversed the trails

Climbed the rocks and cliffs

Over the top, and down the other side

Then moved along

Until they were nowhere in sight

They were the blazing sun

Beating down upon us

Burning with it’s touch

Demanding to be seen

Demanding to be heard

But we found refuge in the shadow

Of a tall, old tree

Laughing the day away

Watching the sun as it set

Leaving us to the night

They were the night

Casting darkness upon our world

Shadows to hide us

Fear to consume us

To tear us apart

But our dreams were the moonlight

Banishing the darkness

Our hopes embedded in it’s pure white glow

And we

We were starlight

Breakfast With Hades

7:30 am.

Something must be wrong.

This is so out of character,

Against routine.

She enters the restaurant

And greets the hostess.

"Table for two," she tells her

"My party should be here soon."

"Oh," the hostess remarks

"Do you mean that gentleman?"

She follows her gaze.

Sure enough, there he is.

"Thank you," she says

And hurries over to the table.

He's on time for once?

What in the world?

Something had to be wrong,

It was the only explanation

"Ah, you made it!" He stands.

Motioning for her to sit

"You say it as though I am late."

He laughs.

"Considering I was here first

I would say that you are."

She lets out a short breath

"On the contrary," she says

"You are on time

Or else you were early."

"But you said it yourself

I am always late."

"Which is why I'm concerned."

She stares at him.

"Would you like to order something?"

He asks as he waves to a waiter.

"You must try their waffles

They are next to godly."

She is losing her patience.

"No, I do not want waffles.

I don't want food, I don't want a drink.

Stop beating around the bush."

She folds her arms

Awaiting his explanation

"Hold the waffles," he tells the waiter,

Then looks at her, all business.

"It is time for our regular meeting.

I presume you have something for me?

Or perhaps you have nothing at all.

That would be a refreshing change."

"Our meetings are always at 10:00 sharp.

We meet at the same place every time.

I always wait for you

and when you show up you always get

that ridiculous coffee.

Now, what is going on?"

"I decided to change things up a bit.

Don't you like it?"

"Change it up?

I am not convinced."

"My dear, I am a god.

I can and will do as I please."

They stare each other down.

He isn't going to give in.

But she can see it in his eyes.

There is a reason for this change

"Fine," she said, resigned.

He smiles and gives a nod

"Now, what do you have for me?"

She removes the files from her bag

The stack seems larger than last time

"Quite a 'haul' this time around.

I'm sure you will be pleased."

He scowls.

"Is there a problem?" he asks

"Do you have something you would like to say?"

She considers the possibility

And thinks better of it

"Not at all.

Just making an observation."

He puts his chin in his hands

Resting elbows on the table

"You don't like me. You despise me.

In fact, I daresay you actually hate me."

"Isn't that what mortals do?" she retorts.

"We hate the gods and the feeling is mutual."

"We do not hate mortals.

Not all of us at least.

And I am highly offended

You would so easily assume that."

"I don't care about offending you, sir.

And my assumption is based on fact."

"Yes, because history always tells the truth.

Your history books say the gods are a myth

Yet somehow you have found yourself

Employed by one."

"Not my best job choice, I will admit

But it does--somehow--pay the bills."

He straightens.

"I am not the evil monster you make me out to be."

Once again he leaves without explanation,

Ever a mystery to be solved.

Sometimes it really pisses her off.

But today, it's different

She can't help wondering

What has gotten into him lately?

What is this sudden escalation

Of caring and sentimentality?

She continues to sit alone,

Pondering it all.

Shall I Compare Thee?

Shall I compare thee to a thorn?

A wicked thorn thrust in my side

A love, unrealized, do I mourn

No desire to fight the rising tide

Shall I compare thee to broken bones?

Shattered by misfortunes of love

A Broken heart that cries and moans

Pleading for understanding from above

Shall I compare the to an ocean storm?

It beats and crashes against my soul

Love's head reared in its ugliest form

My broken heart its unending goal

                Or shall I compare thee to a summer's day

                Whose joy and warmth, too soon, drift away?

Finish Line (Hour 24)

Lungs burning

Body aching

Tears filling my eyes

So tired

So defeated

But I’m so close

Determined to

Push forward

Final burst of energy

Line crossed

Sweet relief

Arms wrapped around me

“Well done

Welcome to

Your finish line victory.”

Things to Forget (Hour 23)

That embarrassing thing that happened

Back in second grade

The way my heart ached

At being left behind

That first bad report card

When I saw your disappointment

The regret I felt

For the things I didn’t say

That bad dream that

Woke me with a racing heart

The words I tried to

Share to deaf ears

That look I got

When I was just being friendly

The comment made in jest

Leaving my heart a little bruised

That list of reasons why

I should just give up 

The lies the devil

Tells me

Repetition (Hour 22)

Alarm goes off

Hit snooze

Several times

Drag myself

Out of bed

Rush to

Get dressed

Drive to work

Sit at desk

Go to classrooms

Snuggle babies

Eat lunch

Watch the numbers

Conduct moving parts

Leave work

Go to rehearsal

Play pretend

Drive home

A quick bite

Lay in bed

Try to empty

My thoughts

Drift off

Repeat

The Week (Hour 21)

Monday’s attitude led to

Tuesday’s antics then chaos on

Wednesday, which led to

Thursday’s disappointments and 

Friday’s relief, which became

Saturday’s scramble and inevitably

Sunday’s slumber

Tauri, the Death Trap Shocking Turtle (Hour 20)

“Tauri” because you were a Ford Taurus

Station wagon, complete with wayback seat

“Death Trap” for that time when your driver’s door

Nearly flew open on the freeway

“Shocking” because you had a seemingly endless

Supply of built up static electricity

“Turtle” because you were green

And it just made sense

Friendly late night adventures

Catching a movie or driving up the canyon

Being the “carpool car” because

We could all fit comfortably

Windows down, music up

Singing at the top of our lungs

Long drives, talking about life

Deep, personal conversations

The Hour of the Wolf (Hour 19)

It is the hour of the wolf

The time has come to howl

Let your voice be heard

It is the hour of the wolf

Time to bare your teeth

Don’t back down

It is the hour of the wolf

The time has come to run free

Let your past lie

It is the hour of the wolf

Time to come into yourself

Don’t make yourself small

It is the hour of the wolf

The time has come

To howl, bare teeth, run free

Come into yourself

Let your voice be heard

Don’t back down

Let your past lie

Don’t make yourself small

It is the hour of the wolf

Shelter from the Storm (Hour 18)

Driving down the highway

The day’s travels already long

Clouds growing darker

Suddenly the downpour

Impairs my vision

A notification on my phone

Tornado warning

Panic in my chest

Uncertain what to do

Trying to keep a level head

Pulling off at the next exit

Hurrying into the gas station

Sky water soaking through

Others taking shelter as well

Anxiety subsiding

Rain letting up

Sunshine peeking through clouds

Making our way back to the car

The remainder of our journey

Still ahead of us

Hugs from Heaven (Hour 17)

As rain starts to fall

I feel your gentle embrace 

Like hugs from Heaven

Lightning Memory (Hour 16)

Sitting beside you 

On the front porch

Clouds rolling in

Watching the sky light up

Feeling the rumble of thunder

As the rain begins to pour

No conversation to be had

Just enjoying the majesty

Of the storm

Some Things (Hour 15)

Some things are easy to share

Words flowing freely

From mind to page

Some things are harder to share

Words escaping me

An unresolved ache in my chest

Impromptu Movie Night (Hour 14)

It was nice to sit and watch

Films from our childhood

To introduce your kiddos to them

To commentate and reminisce

Just weeks earlier feeling

Like I no longer fit

In the family spaces

I inhabited as a child

Recalling how through the years

The image I had painted

Was tinted and a little skewed

By my rose colored glasses

Painting a reality

That wasn’t quite accurate

But, sitting with you 

My big brother

Watching a simple children’s film

Touched something deep in my soul

And all I could do was tell you

How thankful I was

You shrug, telling me you fell asleep for most of it

But I want you to know how much

An impromptu movie night

Helped to heal 

A broken part of me

Bathroom Shenanigans (Hour 13)

“I want to sit on the potty.”

“Okay, go ahead.”

Minutes ticking by

“I’m all done!”

“Good job! Hop off.”

Movement then a trickling sound

I turn to find him making

A yellow mess on the floor

“No, wait!” 

Too late.

“Seriously dude?”

Short Girl Facts (Hour 12)

Miss Independent

She will scale the countertops

To reach the top shelf

The Wind (Hour 11)

Wind

Cool, light

Moving, whispering, howling

Pushing clouds through the sky

Nature’s breath

Stars and Constellations (Hour 10)

Antares, heart of Scorpio

Betelgeuse, shoulder of Orion 

Cassiopeia, wife to a king

Draco, the dragon of the night sky

Equuleus, the little horse

Fomalhaut, the mouth of the fish

Gienah, the wing of Cygnus

Hamal, ram of the ram

Intan, the Malaysian diamond

Jabbah, forehead of the scorpion

Kerhah, blaze in the sky

Lupus, wolf of the night sky

Matar, rain of Pegasus

Nashira, bearer of good news

Ophiuchus, holder of snakes

Pleione, sailing queen of the stars

Quadrantids, the mid-winter meteors 

Rana, the sky frog

Saiph, sword of the giant

Taika, star of peace

Ukdah, knot of the hydra

Volans, the flying fish

Wezen, weight of the big dog

Xihe, goddess of the Sun

Yildun, the star

Zubenhakrabi, claw of Libra’s scorpion

We Almost Weren't (Hour 9)

Twenty-eight years of friendship

One of the oldest friends I have

No matter how long it’s been

Since we saw each other or talked

We can pick it up like 

There was no gap at all

Reflecting on our friendship 

I am reminded

Of a day in third grade

Not long after we met

When we almost weren’t

You were new to the school

And I wanted to be your friend

But others in my social circle

Decided you were “too weird”

Or something like that

(I honestly don’t remember

All of the details)

And they didn’t want you

To play with us

I stood my ground

Their logic just wasn’t logical

So what if you were “weird”?

We were all weird

They didn’t like my resistance

One even alluded

To our friendship being over

Hurt by their words, I ran

No longer wanting

To talk to them

The “rift” didn’t last long

And you quickly became

An integral part 

Of our group

It’s crazy to think

That all of my years

Through elementary,

Middle school and highschool

Would not have had you in them

If eight year old me

Had listened to them

Book Cottage (Hour 8)

Four walls

Two lined

Floor to ceiling

With books

The other two

Towering glass

Overlooking

A garden

Peppermint tea

In a mug

Beside me

Scratching vinyl

Playing softly

Birds chirping

From the branches

Light breeze

Moving through

Sunlight changes

At eve’s beginning

Sun sinking lower

Half circle

A quarter

A sliver

Until darkness

Envelopes the garden

Day’s end

Time to retire

Music stops

Mug empty

Shadows dance

Across the bookshelves

I set down

The printed pages

Collect the mug

Close the glass

Turn out

The lights

And slip away

A Conversation with Fire (Hour 7)

I had a conversation with Fire

One warm summer night

I told Fire how much I loved

The boy I was with

How much I hoped

I’d finally met "the one"

Fire told me he was a good choice

To enjoy the moments with him

Because whether he was the one or not

The memories would stick with me

Becoming beacons of joy 

And precious stories to tell

I had a conversation with Fire

After a heavy rainfall

I told Fire of the beauty of nature

How calming it was

To sit and smell its fragrance

Without the stress of everyday life

Fire told me how precious

Each grain of dirt and sand was

When life feels too much, too ugly

There is beauty to be found all around

And that to live, to exist in this world

Truly is a precious gift

I had a conversation with Fire

Standing before it, warming myself

I told Fire how I longed

To go to far away places

To see more of the world

And to make more of myself

Fire applauded my ambitions

Encouraged me to dream big

It then reminded me

That I was enough

That a simple life of love

Was just as meaningful

He wasn’t “the one”

And my heart was broken

But I cherish the memories we made

When life is racing all around me, chaotic

I venture into nature, close my eyes

And ground myself in the beauty of existing 

As the years have passed

I still haven’t travelled too far

But I keep those dreams alive

And as I sit by firelight’s glow

I remember the wisdom of Fire

And find gratitude for the life I have